"I don't want to be a passenger in my own life." (Diane Ackerman)

There are so many ways to interpret this quote. At first glance, my response is... that's me! I don't get to make any of the decisions. I do what everyone else wants me to just like a puppet on a string. So many of my own life's choices are made by others instead of me.

Sometimes I want to be the one back in control. I want to decide where I'm giong and when I'm going. I want to decide where I get to live and where I eat dinner. Decide where to go for holidays and how to spend my money. When to be happy and when to be sad. I want to get my own car.

I've been there before, in the driver's seat rather than just the passenger's seat. Life was loneliner, but easier in a lot of ways. Maybe if you want to have someone in the car with you to keep you company, you have to give the driving over to them most of the time. It's also riskier, not being in control of your own car, just as it is in life.

As a passenger in my own life, I'm just along for the ride. I want to drive! I want to decide when to take a road trip and when to pull over at a rest stop. I don't know why!

But then when I really think about it, even if I am the driver, God is still my navigator, so am I really in control? Yes, I believe I am. And even though much of life feels like I'm just along for the ride, that's probably not the case. It just feels like it sometimes.

This makes me wonder if I am going down the right roads. What if my path is wrong? Maybe I turned off one exit too soon. Or maybe I passed my cut-off several exits ago. Am I on the right highway? I need a map and a compass! Maybe being a passenger is okay if I end up in the right place.

Oh, my head is hurting from all this thinking!